Dear Google,

Hi. I’m an early adopter. We should be friends. But we need to talk.

I bought a really pretty Google TV, cut off my cable, and discovered how AWESOME the Chuck title sequence is in HD. I was in love. See, this is the first new TV I’ve ever bought, the rest being either hand-me downs or dead people stuff (don’t judge – you can get a lot of great bargains at estate sales), and while it technically won’t be paid off for a while, I feel like I’ve demonstrated a certain level of commitment to you: we will be together, Google, at least for the 36 months I have to pay this thing off.

But now the glow has worn off, and we need to talk. At first, I didn’t have a problem connecting the world’s longest HDMI cord to my laptop so I could watch Hulu on the big screen. I was so in love with the picture, it just didn’t matter to me all that much. And when I couldn’t get The Venture Brothers to play in Chrome, I went back to the HDMI cord, figuring you would get it sorted out soon. When your Flash player crashed on The Vampire Diaries video page (DO NOT JUDGE ME, GOOGLE!), I went back to HDMI, but really, Google, I just wanted to talk to you about it.

But lately, Google, I’m feeling like you’re not really there for me. I know how you feel about support, and I get it – people can be needy, and you like being able to do your thing. It’s cool. But, really, all we need is to feel like someone is listening. At first, I thought you got that – that is why you set up your support forums, right? So all of us, who are in a relationship with you, have a place to talk through our issues and get help from each other, a place where you can check in every once in a while and let us know it’ll all be okay.

That’s all I really want from you, Google.

But this morning, when I went looking for the Google TV support forum, it wasn’t there. [Interesting sidenote: I first tried searching for "google TV help forum" on my Google TV.  At this point, I'm done with this post (on my laptop), and my screen still says "Loading..."] Why wasn’t it there, Google? All I found was a bunch of threads in the wrong forum by some of your other early adopters, and when I finally found the Google TV help page, it looks like this:

You’re sending me to someone else? I don’t want to talk to someone else! I want to talk to you, Google! Why can’t you just love us enough to make a forum? Why, Google, why?

Sigh. We could have handled this privately, Google. But if you insist that you won’t talk about it, well, then . . . now I’ve got to make a scene.

Let me just tell you a couple of things about yourself, Google:

1. If I have to plug in an HDMI cable to watch the shows I want to watch, either because the networks are blocking you or your software can’t handle plugins, or you haven’t made a deal with Hulu or whatever, then I just wasted about $500. ‘Cause I could have gotten an HDTV, same size, for about that much less than I paid for your device. The way I see it, you owe me $500.
2. You know this image on your Google TV Quick Tour. Delete it, or release the app. It’s that simple.
3. About the networks blocking stuff: I live in a rural area, Google. One of the reasons I love you is that your mobile OS is available on phones that actually work in my area. You send your Street View cars (it’s cool, my network is encrypted) out my way so that your maps work, even in the places where few folks go. You seem to get that I should still have access to information even though I choose live out in the middle of nowhere. The networks don’t get that. They want me to have to watch their shows over the air, so I can watch the ads, and they can make money. I get it. I don’t even mind it. But here’s the problem: I CAN’T WATCH OVER THE AIR. They don’t make antennas strong enough to get all the networks in my area – I checked. The only way I can watch the networks on my TV, the way they want me to do it, is if I pay for cable or satellite. They’re making me pay for something that other folks get for free because of where I live, even though I could be getting it for free on your device. Now, I can get around it with my new friend, the HDMI cord, and I’m still paying the cable company for internet access, but it seems like you need to have a little talk with the FCC about how the networks are blocking access on your device to folks like me. I’m just sayin’.
4. Your Netflix app sucks. It freezes a lot, and I have to stop and restart and stop and restart and stop and restart. The one on the Roku is much better, and they’ll probably get Hulu before you, too. Sigh.
5. You need an app killer. I’m tired of rebooting my TV every time a plugin or app crashes and freezes.

Whew. I feel better now.

I’m glad we cleared the air, but if you really want to make it up to me, you know where to send the check.

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